One Night Stand
by Wendelin W
Summary: Shortly after the events of Noveria (Mass Effect 1), the Commander has business to attend to in Citadel. She gives her crew a leave, but decides to stay at the ship instead of looking for somewhere else to sleep. Long story short, Joker and Shep have a mildly drunken one night stand, hinting to something more.


"Hey there, Joker." said a very familiar firm voice behind him. "We are heading to the Citadel next. Four days leave for the crew while I resolve some pending matters with the Council."

The Flight Lieutenant didn't even let her finish: "Aye, aye, Commander. We'll be there before you even realize."

"Thank you." she replied.

Jeff "Joker" Moureau started doing his job as a pilot, and disconnected himself from his immediate surroundings, immersed on the controls and screens of SR-1 Normandy. He didn't realize Commander Jane Sheppard was still behind him. Not maliciously; he was used to Commanders just dropping by to spew their orders and leaving right after. Lingering was an unforeseeable event.

"What are you doing on your leave?" the Commander asked after a moment of silence.

Joker was startled by her voice, though wouldn't allow himself to show it. What was she doing? For all her reputation, she was way chattier than he would have thought at first. Always dropping by, always making pointless conversation or discussing their missions even though Joker had the full report…

The Commander really wanted to get to know her crew, it seemed. Joker was not the only one she asked questions to. She was new to all of it, perhaps she would learn with time that constant interrogatories were not needed.

"As you might have guessed, I will cease to exist for four days and pop up here when you need me again. Nothing interesting."

The Commander snorted, and Joker felt his chair shift minutely, as if extra weight was rested against it. When he turned his head to check what was that about, the Commander was resting her hip against the chair, her elbow propped up on top of the head rest. Joker resumed to look forward, at the ship's screens.

"It might sound stupid, but I'm staying at the ship."

Those were actually Joker's plans as well, but he, much like the Commander, thought it would sound stupid. Normandy was his place, plus four days leave on Citadel wasn't of much use to him. It was not even a proper leave: it just happened that Shepard had business to run on Citadel that would require some time, and she let the crew wander about and rest.

He'd rather stay back in the ship.

"And just why are you telling me this, Commander?"

"Well, I…" she hesitated for a moment, and Joker realized he might have sounded genuinely rude.

"I-I mean… You can tell me things if you like." he added quickly. "I am just… Wondering. It's not like you owe me any explanation of where you are or what you are up to. Hell, you don't even owe explanation to the Council."

"You must be sick of my face, but I was thinking we could meet up. Go out for a few drinks."

Joker sighed. She really had no clue of what she was doing.

"It's not like I can go out, Commander. If you must know, I'm also staying back at the ship. A four days long vacation on Citadel is not worth the trouble of getting out of Normandy. Sometimes I really wonder if going to the bathroom is worth the trouble of getting out of this chair." he spilled out, in a fit of raw honesty.

"Fair enough, Joker. Hope you don't mind me sticking around, then. Maybe I could bring in some booze and we could drink and play card games. I gather you won't be busy driving Normandy around for a few days."

"I guess reading my files wasn't enough." Joker said under his breath.

The Commander was really going overboard with getting to know her crew. She didn't need to do this. Especially not out of pity. All this debriefing, and closeness… Was not necessary, really. He was the Flight Lieutenant, and was not about to go around with her shooting things up. She would tell him where to go and he would take Normandy there. Maybe the others needed fake friendship to cooperate, but Joker did not.

"I am just trying to get along with you." the Commander said, matter-of-factly. "I am sorry that my attempts of forging a friendship are bothersome. I will not do so again."

Joker heard the soft ruffle of skin brushing against the fabric of his chair. He then heard the Commander turning around and taking the first step away.

"Wait, Commander. I didn't want to sound rude, or anything." Joker, with some difficulty, stood up and rested his full weight against the back of the chair. The Commander was staring him down, arms crossed. He felt pathetic under her gaze, as she didn't yet see him standing – or trying to, at least – with the help of his leg bracers.

"My point is: I know you need to get close to your crew so things can work out nicely. Anderson did that, too. It's fine! But I'm the Flight Lieutenant. You order me to fly to hell, and I will do that. No questions asked. We don't need to forge a friendship, Commander."

"That was not even on my mind, Joker." Shepard replied, relaxing a bit. "I assure you I am being genuine. You are hardworking, reliable and honest, not to mention sharp-tongued. You are someone I could… Get closer to. I haven't had many friends, and if I can help it, I intend to be at Normandy for a while. Having someone close around here might not be so bad."

Their eyes met, and for a long while, they stared at each other, silent. Joker was caught off guard by her honesty; he would not even consider Shepard was the kind of woman who liked having friends. She got the job done, that was it. It wouldn't occur to him that she'd like a friend.

God knew that Joker would like one, too. It would be better if said friend wasn't an attractive woman such as Shepard, but beggars couldn't be choosers. She was attractive even with her no non-sense chin length hair, and Commander clothing. Those couldn't hide her determined brown eyes, perfectly arched eyebrows and full, luscious lips.

Alas, Joker was a self-declared masochist. He had welcomed the pain in his life, in order to overcome it. The fact that Shepard would never consider anything but friendship with a cripple was something he needed to accept, so he could get over it. She was, after all, an interesting human being. She must have interesting stories to tell, and Joker would like to hear them.

"Alright." he said at least, returning to his seat. "I have the cards. You bring in the booze and we are all set, Commander."

"Brewed or distilled?"

"It's your call."

"Good. Then we have a deal."

OoOoO

_Hey there. You still up to play some cards? I'm bringing in the booze in 5, 4, 3…_

It was stupidly late at night, and Joker was stiff from sitting around in the mess hall for several hours, waiting for Shepard to show up so they could have their few drinks. She didn't, and he went to bed. He got his hopes up too much; since when a Specter would have time to get drunk and play cards?

But then, she sent him this message. And within a minute, Joker heard the faint sound of the airlock opening. He didn't want to get up until he was sure she would show up, and there was his proof. It would take some time for him to get to the mess hall, though, so he replied her message: _Be at the mess in several minutes._

To what she replied: _Aye, aye, Captain._

She was waiting for him with two glasses of a clear liquid that surely wasn't water.

"Things dragged a bit longer than I expected, sorry. I hope I didn't disturb your sleep."

Joker shrugged and limped towards the table, sitting across from her.

"Sitting around doesn't tire me much, anyway. What kind of game do you like? Poker? Black Jack?"

"Poker."

"What are we betting?"

Shepard smirked and with one big gulp, swallowed all the contents of her glass.

"Embarrassing stories. What is a friendship without those? I certainly hope we both will be too drunk to remember them tomorrow."

Joker had plenty of those. He didn't want to turn down her proposal, but probably would need some encouragement to share his embarrassing moments. He smelled his glass and the strong smell of alcohol burned his nostrils. He made his drink disappear with just one sip, as well, and started shuffling the cards.

"You better have some good ones in stock, Commander."

"You'll hear them if you are good enough at Poker." She teased while waiting for Joker to deal the cards.

They drank plenty during the first round, that took forever in Joker's mind. Shepard lost and he grinned smugly.

"Well, Commander… Hate the game, not the player." he said, feeling light-headed. "What do you have for me?"

She pretended to think long and hard.

"Let me see… Should I tell you about the time that I convinced my friend to sell myself as a slave?"

"Wait… What?"

"I guess the life was up to in Earth's street until I joined the Alliance isn't in my file, then. Good. Anyways, I was a street rat, living of whatever I could steal, but I learned how to be sneaky. I had this friend of mine sell me as a slave to a rich businessman. My plan was to run away and return to my friend so we could share the money."

Joker raised both eyebrows in sheer surprise.

"I would not expect this from you, Commander."

"I tried to run away from the vents in my bedroom, if you can call it that, but I got stuck in it, and I stayed with just my bottom and legs in the room the whole night."

It was not embarrassing as much as it was sad, but the alcohol was already scrambling both of their brains. Joker laughed at the mental image of a young Shepard stuck in a vent.

"And then what?"

"They found me there, and the businessman let me go." Shepard shrugged. "You see, I was very cheap. It was good money for me, but for a businessman it was barely nothing. He saw I was useless and freed me."

She poured more drink in her and Joker's glasses.

"I didn't know you were so crafty." he said. "You lived off crime, then?"

"I have done a bit of everything."

"_Everything_, Commander?" Joker asked.

"They kicked me off a brothel once. Turns out I can't really dance to save my life."

"This I have to see." Joker replied. Even with the alcohol, he was very aware it was long shot.

To his surprise, Shepard stood up. She grabbed the bottle and drank straight from it. She then put the bottle down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Okay, but this _never_ happened, do you hear me?"

Shepard went around the table and turned Joker's chair around so he was facing the wall instead of facing the table. With her mouth, she tried to simulate a melody one would hear at your common gentleman's club while rocking her hips in a very unsexy manner.

Joker couldn't avoid laughing out loud. He kept on having his drink. This was getting funnier and funnier. The Commander wasn't kidding when she said she couldn't dance. Clumsily, she took off her jacket and tried to spin around. It was supposed to be seductive but she ended up falling on the floor, ass first.

"This is why I wasn't allowed to be a stripper." she laughed and propped herself up.

"If it helps, I'm not allowed to be a stripper either. It happens that the sound of bones breaking doesn't do a lot for the sexual appetite."

She approached him and stood between his legs, cupping his face with her hands and making him look at her.

"Let me respectfully disagree, Flight Lieutenant Jeff. Officers are a turn on."

Joker wasn't drunk enough to agree into what she was thinking of doing.

"Commander." he said, feeling a little more sober. "Don't do this."

"Why not? I think you are a fair individual, Joker." she replied in her serious tone. Shepard wasn't as drunk as she acted a few moments ago. She lived on streets for a while, Joker reasoned, so it was no surprise if she was a heavy drinker.

"It will make things weird. Plus you might be forgetting the real possibility of breaking my pelvis."

He worried less with his pelvis than with the fact he would probably put his hopes up too much. He slept with only two women in his life, and both of them lost interest after a while. It stung, and it would sting again. Sex with him wasn't the most interesting act in the world. Joker knew as much.

"I'll be careful. And I promise not to make things weird." Shepard whispered. "I would hate to lose a friend like this."

A friend. All Joker would be.

He took a deep breath. He wanted it, she wanted it and even promised not to make things weird afterwards, as well as his thinking abilities were somewhat impaired.

"Fine."

Shepard smiled and took off his cap, putting it on her head. She then ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'll take you to my quarters."

Delicately and far too firmly for someone who had as much alcohol as she did, Shepard passed his arm on her shoulders and lifted him up by wrapping one of her arms around his waist. Joker tried to put as much weight on his legs as he would dare to: being drunk meant it was too easy for him to take a wrong step and break a bone.

He wouldn't want that, not minutes before getting laid. With no one less than Shepard.

Joker didn't pay much attention to her quarters. Once he made himself comfortable in her bed, she started singing the melody from before, and climbed on the bed. She straddled his hips, keeping all of her weight on her knees, and kept humming the song.

"I understand you never stripped before, Flight Lieutenant?" she said. "There is a first time for everything."

"That is correct, Commander Shepard." Joker replied, following the joke.

Her fingers toyed with the hem of his shirt, while she kept her gaze locked on him.

"The first step to a good strip is teasing."

She played with his shirt a bit more, and then pulled it up all the way to his chest. Joker sat up and let her take the shirt off. Shepard threw the piece of clothing across the room with a sheepish grin, while her hands ran down his chest and stomach.

Unexpectedly, she left her position and climbed down the bed. Joker was already expecting her to stop doing whatever she was doing, but instead she started untying his shoes and also taking them off, all of it while still humming loudly a sultry melody.

"Oh, Flight Lieutenant… Your socks smell." she commented, in a mocking orgasmic tone, while taking off his socks.

Joker could only laugh along, a bit glad that she was stripping him. Otherwise, it would take much longer for him to be unclothed. The alcohol numbed his disgust at his own body a bit. He was pale, his legs were much too thin comparing to the rest of his frame, and his socks smelled.

Still, Shepard undid his pants and they went straight to the floor. She realized, then, it would be somewhat hard to undress him from his underwear because of the leg bracers.

Within a heartbeat, she, too, was pantless, shirtless and braless, and she joined him on the bed shortly after. Shepard lay on her side beside him, and kissed Joker on the lips, gently at first, but growing demanding by the moment.

Joker opened his mouth and let her tongue slide in. For a moment that seemed like forever, they just kissed. For a one night stand, it was rather romantic. Or it wasn't. Joker reminded himself he couldn't possibly know that.

Shepard broke the kiss and sat up. She still had his cap on.

"How are you holding up?" she asked. "If it makes you uncomfortable, we can stop."

Joker took a while to answer, eyes glued to the glorious view that was topless Shepard with his cap gracing her head. Her breasts were perky and just the right size for him to cup with his hands.

"I'm alright." he replied. He sat up, and rested his back against the wall. "You?"

"Never better."

She then put a knee on each side of his, so her breasts were just in the right spot for him to kiss and suckle on them, which Joker did, all the while grabbing at her ass, from inside her panties. His erection was painful and throbbing, then, and she did not even touch him in that area. He would cum in minutes if they ever got to the real deal.

Luckily, Joker knew a thing or two about pleasuring women with his fingers, so he lowered her panties, and while one hand kept holding a butt cheek, the other parted the lips she had between her legs. Using her own moist, he lubricated her clitoris and made circular motions with his fingers tips. Shepard held his head tight against her chest, her body being rocked by light spasms.

Joker could overhear her strangled moans.

His mouth kept working on her breasts while his fingers went inside her. It was warm, humid and tight. Joker could only wonder how nice would that feel around his penis. He made full circles with his two fingers inside Shepard; she, in response, grabbed a fistful of his hair, and used a hand to press Joker's hand closer to her crotch.

"I'm about to cum." she breathed out, not that Joker needed an announcement to know what was going on. Within a heartbeat Shepard gasped for air, while her whole body tensed, and then relaxed.

The good thing about women?

They could cum once and still want more.

Shepard straddled Joker's hips once more, this time freeing his penis from the constraining fabric of his boxers and discarding the cap. Joker couldn't hold back a moan of pure pleasure just at the light stroke Shepard gave on his boner; he bit his own lip hard when she sat down on his penis, so he was penetrating her.

She put her hands on the wall and started doing her thing: her hips went back and forth, up and down. Joker only placed his hands on her ass and closed his eyes, attempting to burn the sensation on his brain for later use. He, unfortunately, came in about three minutes.

"I-I'm sorry." he mumbled when Shepard rolled to the side. "I came so fast. It has been a while since I last been with a woman."

The Commander, however, smiled lazily, ready to go to sleep: "You do have skilled fingers, Joker. You can stay the night, if it's not a problem."

Joker couldn't say no. He covered himself and adjusted his position so he was lying flat on the bed with his head resting on the pillows. Shepard threw her panties aside and snuggled close to him, completely naked.

"Good night, Joker."

"Good night, Shepard."

The night had been good; he only wondered if the morning after would be, too.


End file.
